This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof

"What a woman -- oh, what a woman!" cried the King of Bohemia, when we had all three read this epistle. "Did I not tell you how quick and resolute she was? Would she not have made an admirable queen? Is it not a pity that she was not on my level?"

"From what I have seen of the lady she seems indeed to be on a very different level to your Majesty," said Holmes coldly.

Comments are screened. Anonymous on, IP logging off. If you'd rather speak to me personally about something, you can reach me at jellybean sundays on AIM.

So - who's got a deep dark secret they're just dying to unburden themselves of? Come, now, I'm reasonably certain there must be at least one or two of you out there. There may never again be an opportunity for such perfect honesty. Speaking of -

Gabriel, dearest - how hard are you kicking yourself for accepting this job right about now?

[Irene is pulling on a dark leather glove. She's all kitted-out in her gear - knee-high riding boots, a crisp white blouse, and a pair of khaki breeches that leave little to the imagination. Her blonde hair is pulled back in a tight french braid; a black velvet helmet is tucked under one arm, and her other hand contains a crop. Her tone, when she speaks, is her usual brisk, faintly condescending clip.]

Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Miss Adler, and I will be your resident horse mistress.

For those wishing to participate, lessons will begin promptly at 9 and 11 o'clock in the mornings and 2 and 4 o'clock in the afternoons. You will be at the stables no fewer than twenty minutes prior to your scheduled time, and will have your horse tacked up, in the ring and ready to begin by five-of.

There will be riders of all levels in each lesson; I will evaluate your extant skill and allow you to proceed as I see fit. Only those with my express permission will be allowed to jump. Any camper who shirks care, behaves recklessly, or otherwise causes harm to a horse will be mucking out stalls for the rest of the day. Proper footwear and a helmet must be worn at all times; if your parents neglected to sign your activities consent form, I'm afraid you'll just have to enjoy the glitter-glue and bingo portions of our program [She smirks].

If you've any questions, figure them out on your own. If not, I'll see you in the saddle.


[[I'll be putting up an open lesson log tonight or tomorrow, for those who want their self-esteem crushed!]]

[There is a yell, then someone bangs furiously on a door. If you're on the third floor, you may hear the entire thing first-hand. The voice is gruff, frustrated, and just the tiniest bit desperate; she's kept her American accent, so if you know any of our resident RDJs it probably sounds pretty darned familiar.]

Let me in. Let. me. in. This really isn't funny, Gabriel!

[A muffled fabric sound as she slides to sit on the ground in front of her door. There's a pause.]

I need to borrow some men's clothes. He's - I'm - a bit on the scrawny side. God, he's underfed. What does he pay that housekeeper of his for if not -

Right. Clothes, and perhaps a pleasant rock under which I might die with a modicum of dignity?

[Irene'll be locked out of her room for the duration of the flood. If anyone's interested in general UR FACE lols, just let me know! I'll post a few open threads in the comments for whoever, I guess? If we need more, just poke me. :D]

[Video switches on. Irene is kneading the bed restlessly; every so often, a hint of claw is visible. Still unfulfilled, she begins to pace back and forth in front of the camera. Her voice, when she speaks, is her own, but it comes from low in her throat and has a hint of rumble to it. To human ears, it probably sounds like loud purring, interspersed with a few quiet, subdued yowls. Her speech is slow and deliberate.]

I. feel. marvelous.

[Experimentally, she snaps her teeth. Lifting a paw, she unsheathes her claws and regards them thoughtfully. Then, low on her belly, she prowls towards the camera, rolling her shoulders. Her mouth forms what would be a smirk, if she were human. Then she pounces, pinning the device to the floor and speaking straight into it.]

And hungry. Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Well, this is one of the more amusing things that's happened recently. And the first time I've managed to avoid being made a complete fool of. It's a welcome change of pace, I must say.

Gabriel, warden-of-mine, please, please tell me you're feeling the effects of this latest flood.

[Filtered to Bela]

I'm surprised that we haven't heard from you yet on the channel. You are generally one of the select few who have their heads about them.

[Irene is sitting in her room, which looks as if a tornado tore through it - the floor is scattered with childish crayon drawings, the bed is a messy pile of blankets and in the corner, a sheet is draped over the chaise to make a kind of fort. Irene looks a bit bewildered; she's back in her grown-up clothes, but she seems just a touch off, as if putting on a uniform that she hasn't worn in a very long time.]

I -

[She falls silent, then purses her mouth, and holds up a hand. In it are the paper dolls which she'd been playing with in her last message. Now, they're crumpled. She raises an eyebrow and lets out a long-suffering sigh. Her mouth twists in a wry, humorless smile, then the video cuts out]